Accepting
by Stacee Phelps
Summary: One of the brothers thinks he’s had enough. warnings language
1. Unsure but Accepting

**Title: Accepting**

**Author: Stacee Phelps**

**Disclaimer: 'Supernatural' does not belong to me and I am not getting paid for this.**

**Author's Note: Sorry for anyone who saw my author alert and thought that I had actually updated my LOTR story. I am finishing it, the inspiration just sucks.**

**And, this was written in a very pissed off rant and the only category I saw fitting for it was 'Supernatural'. So, enjoy it.**

**Summary: One of the brothers thinks he's had enough.**

**Timeline: Post 'Crossroads'**

**SN**

What is with the world and throwing fastballs just to piss you off? Why does everything seem to be against you? Why can't things just take a breather and let you enjoy stuff and RELAX? Why does Fate just seem to entertain herself by fucking families over?

Since our dad died, my brother and I have been a little tense around each other. He doesn't seem to want to deal with Dad's death and takes everything out on whatever we're hunting. On one of our last hunts, he even took it out on me.

No matter what I say, I can't get through to him. No matter what I do, it's wrong. Nothing I say is enough and my new devotion to hunting just pisses him off. Everything about me just seems to make him even angrier. I don't know what to do anymore.

It's almost as if Dean doesn't care about me. Sure, I'm his little brother and he watches over me during a hunt, but he won't talk to me or respond at all. Facing Angela "The Zombie Woman", I even broke my wrist. I told Dean but his reaction surprised me. It was almost two days before I had my wrist seen to. Dean didn't even look at it. It was obviously broken and I couldn't use it. But, there was no way I could go and have it looked at because there was no way I could go without Dean knowing.

I almost think he wouldn't even notice if I had gone.

Sometimes, if not most, life just sucks. A demon is after me and, in turn, my family. The bastard killed my mother and my girlfriend. My father died after chasing it for twenty-three years. But, it wants me. Wants the "power" I hold-whatever that is. We've faced it and we've lost. I have almost no doubt that the yellow-eyed demon will get me one day, whether my brother's around to fight it or not. In a way, I want it to happen sooner rather than later. Maybe, then, I could see whether or not Dean gave a damn or perhaps I just want it to finally end. Everything I've been through just seems to keep adding up and I DON'T want to go through it anymore. I may be the selfish bastard my brother always says I am but I don't… I CAN'T go through any more. I don't have a lot left to lose, but the one and most important thing I have to call my own or a part of myself is drifting away from me. My brother, the one who has raised me and has always been there, is practically defenseless and vulnerable. The demon won't have too much of a challenge if he goes after Dean first. And my worst nightmare is lying on my bed and opening my eyes to see my big brother pinned to the ceiling above me. If I can do anything, I won't let that happen.

I once told Dean that I would die for him if it was needed. What I never realized was that I could die for me too.

**THE END**

**Well, there's my rant for the day. So, if you would just R & R, that would be greatly appreciated.**


	2. Everything Changes

**This is another Sam POV rant. Don't remember when it was, but hey, I think the point gets across.**

**SN**

I have never felt this way in my entire life. Worthless, unable, ignored… all my life, I've been recognized for my efforts. People have watched me, actually listened to me, and have loved me. Then, in one moment, EVERYTHING changes. In the course of one year, one that was supposed to mean the world to me, EVERYTHING goes wrong.

Plans have always been my forte. I can't help it, I have to plan things. I feel that I have no control when I don't. But, that is nothing compared to how I feel when nothing goes as I intended.

I was always taught that your fate rests in your own hands. That events go how you want them to. But all the teachings I'd learned went out the window over one year.

Everything is just wrong! People, one in particular, won't get how this year is just a major disappointment! I keep getting these happy moments every once in a while but then something bad happens that completely cancels the first. But the bad always seems to be crippling.

No matter what I do, it's never enough! I'm disappointing someone, somewhere but I am also disappointing myself. I don't get why I just can't seem to move on past things but all I can understand, all I can convey; is that this is my life. This is all my life consists of right now and I can't grasp that it might get better. It's just that -sigh-, I feel like no matter what I do, it WON'T get better. This is my life, this "hunting" and I will never escape it. I will **ALWAYS** feel this way. So tired…


End file.
